Emotional Leadership
Emotional Leadership
"Feelings, nothing more than feelings."-song lyric by Morris Albert
Feeling/Emotion/Attitude all play a huge factor in a culture in an organization. As human beings we feed off one another's energy and energy is fueled by emotion and attitude. One person, yes one person can affect an entire department or organization and sadly it starts from the top. The energy and emotion a leader exude sets it all for everyone else. But as a leader, we can't always be happy and chipper every single day. After all, uh,…. we're human beings too. As leaders we are expected to be this perfect positive, all knowing, happy go lucky, let's go get‘em person. But like everyone else we have days where we are not at our best. Days where we wear our hearts on our sleeve per se or when small things trigger big reactions. As leaders we have to learn to manage the stressors in life to put our best foot forward. It’s a challenge some days.
Several years ago, I had the opportunity to open a brand-new school. It was supposed to be a career high for me, but shortly after being named as the principal, my personal life unraveled. I got separated and divorced after 13 years of marriage, moved out on my own, and established a whole new life and personal relationship in that year. I had a lot of days when my best self was not present. To add to that, the opening of this school was in the heart of a very difficult area with 100% disadvantaged students. It was a lot for me both personally and professionally and at times the two worlds collided, and my emotions were all over the place. That year proved to be a year of huge growth for me both personally and professionally but it didn't come without consequences. I was demoted to an assistant principal the following year. (that story will come in a later blog). That year of turmoil I learned a huge lesson, my emotional state attitude affected the culture of my employees and my school. My responses, my reactions created an organization that mirrored my struggles.
So how does a leader avoid these kinds of turmoils. Here are ideas to set in place to help you navigate your attitude to show up ready to present your best self to your organization even when you are facing personal struggles.
1.) Recognize your trigger.
Often times our emotional reactions are triggered by something. Could be something or something someone says to us. Could be the l00+ emails in your inbox from overnight or a day away from the office. Could be that employee that can be super needy when you don't have the time or patience for them. Identify those triggers. Speak them out loud to yourself, write them down. Then tell yourself. "I am not going to let that set me off today”.
2. ) Identify a confidant.
Find someone who will listen to you vent without judgement. Someone you can say anything to. Someone you can talk to or call on your way in or on your way home from work. Someone who has your back and has absolutely no connection to your workplace. You have to be able to trust this person 110%. For me, it’s my husband. It could be a family member, mentor, leadership coach, best friend. You know who they are in your life. Talking about things can help you hear yourself and process through your thoughts and feelings.
3.) Write it out.
I'm a huge fan of journaling. I journal every morning 3 to 5 sentences. Just to get my thoughts out of my brain. I call it brain dumping. When I'm feeling crappy, I write about that. If I'm feeling excited and hopeful I write about that too. It's a way to not keep those thoughts and feelings bottled up.
4.) Pause/ sleep on it.
Whenever something is troubling me at the end of a long day or a big decision is looming, rather than acting on it right away, I sleep on it. Unless its an urgent matter, you can always take your time to think it through. There is no rule that you have to have a solution or answer right away. Pause and be intentional. If you wake up feeling the same way about something, then you know you were on target. If you wake up with a totally different outlook, that is also a good thing. This means you were reacting on emotion the night before.
5.) Breath.
In my role as a principal and now as director of HR, my day, moment to moment can change in seconds. It could go from a very difficult emotional conversation with an employee or parent to a positive interaction celebrating a student's accomplishment or a strategic meeting about a new project. I had a leadership coach teach me how to take a few seconds to consciously breath and re-center myself and my emotions before moving to the next interaction. There are times I just finish something difficult or feeling emotional about something and the phone in my office rings. I won 't answer it if I'm not ready. That’s what voicemail is for. I even have a sticky note on my phone that says Breath! A signal to re-center before answering the phone.
6.) Drive.
While I am at work I sometimes get in a funk that I can’t shake. I need to move past it. I have gotten in my car and just drove around. Blared some music as loud as I could get it. Maybe stopped for a soda or grabbed lunch. A change in scenery is also a great way to shake those negative feelings.
These 6 things are not a perfect complete list, but they are things I have utilized in the past and still do today. Don 't get me wrong; I still have moments where I haven't reacted the way I should, but it’s important first and foremost to be conscious that you are not at your best, apologize, learn from it, re-center yourself, and move on.
“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude”. – John C. Maxwell