Ellen - The Four Points of the Crown!
There's a saying, “Be the woman who fixes another woman's crown without telling the world it was crooked." That was the essence of Ellen Meade. Whether you wore a crown or not she was that friend to us. She always promoted all of us as beautifully radiant women. She did that for the tiniest of queens in the baby and fair queen pageants to those of us who are queens at heart. When you were around Ellen, her beauty and grace rubbed off on you. Her presence made you feel confident and regal. She was that special.
The Miss America crown, which is the same style crown worn by every state and local title holder is represented by 4 points on the crown. Each point on the crown represents a core value of the Miss America Organization. They are style, service, scholarship, and success. Ellen embodied each of the values of her entire life and well beyond her reign as Miss Florida.
Style - Her style was all beauty and grace. She made sure that everyone had the best presence. She taught us how to walk, sit and act like a queen. She ensured we all had our lipstick on and that our faces didn’t shine. During photo shoots with local queens, she never missed a detail. Every strand of hair was in place. She wanted everyone to look their very best.
Service - Her service to the thousands of lives she touched in Manatee County. Through her service with the Manatee County Fair Queen Pageants to her dance and modeling school. Her impact will continue for many generations to come. Many of us will carry with us the life lessons she taught.
Scholarship – The Miss America Organization leads the country in the most college scholarships for young women today. Ellen believed in that organization and gave back to her community in many ways. Her legacy of poise and grace is priceless. Her gifts were bountiful and always from her heart.
Success - No one can argue with Ellen’s success as she has touched so many lives. Everyone here today was touched in some way by her success. We benefited from her success.
For me personally she was a friend. Someone who enjoyed sharing cocktails and good food. Whose laughter I can still hear. Whose energy was tireless. Who cared so much for others and made everyone feel like a Queen. Her love for Craig was inspirational. Theirs is a true American love story. Ellen’s loyalty to family, especially her mom, Audrey and Craig’s mom were an example of a daughter’s love for me. Life without Ellen will be hard for all of us. We promise to carry on her love and passion for inspiring women, young and old to be the best versions of themselves because she brought out the best in ALL of us. Toodles by friend!!
Remembering Kindergarten
Back in 1972 the concept of kindergarten was fairly new in public education. In fact, schoolteacher Vera Garcia (“Miss Garcia” we lovingly called her) began teaching Kindergarten at Mendenhall Elementary School in a portable classroom because it was that new. At the age of 4, I entered kindergarten. (I later turned 5 on Sept-25th) I fell in love with Miss Garcia. A few weeks ago, my mom sent me her obituary from the newspaper, and I began to recall so many wonderful memories of her classroom. We had centers like an art easel and the “housekeeping” center which was an actual carboard house she had made. We learned about each letter of the alphabet indepthly through the letter people. Mr. Tall Teeth and Miss A Achoo to name a few. She read us books aloud like “Where the Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak and we learned to share and get along with others. We cut, colored and pasted. Most importantly she allowed us to learn the love of learning.
Kindergarten has changed so much over the years and sadly it has become much more high stakes with testing (yes, testing) and academic. Cutting, coloring, and pasting are kept to a minimum. Gone are the housekeeping centers which is where we learned relationships and roles. Now kindergarteners are expected to already have basic skills such as cutting, coloring, and getting along with others. In fact, as a principal, my superintendent required us to remove all of the housekeeping items like the play stove and sink from kindergarten classrooms. The thing is I cut, colored and pasted a lot. The housekeeping house was my absolute favorite center, and I can read and write today because of Miss Garcia’s kindergarten class.
Miss Garcia was positive, loving and firm. She gave us all structure but still let us be ourselves. What a great introduction to school and life I had in her classroom.
Author Robert Fulgham wrote The New York Times best seller, "All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten”. How true that is. Not only did Miss Garcia prepare me for school and life, but she also showed me what it truly meant to be a teacher and what teachers should do for children. She set the standard early on for me, so when I became a principal of a school, I always looked for that "Miss Garcia” spirit when looking for a teacher. Someone who truly loved and adored children. One who understood how scary it was for a young 5-year-old entering big school for the first time. And she created a safe haven for learning and exploring. RIP Miss Garcia your impact on thousands of little boys and girls will be remembered always.
Perfect
10,000 steps
8 hours of sleep
1800 Calories low to no carbs
drink half your body weight in ounces of water
30 minutes of exercise
time to stand
time for mindfulness
say your prayers
cook, keep your house clean
save money
tithe
only work 8 hours a day
take your unpaid hour lunch
close your rings on your iWatch
advance your career
save money, don’t spend too much
These are the expectations of perfect. This is what our world tells women to do. DAILY. My iWatch reminds me. My calendar reminds me. Reminders of being perfect are all around me and quite frankly, I'm done with it. There are many days when I can 't accomplish one thing on the perfect list. Not one. In fact, there are days I accomplish a lot on the imperfect list.
sit at my desk all day
work 11 hours
eat chocolate all day (lose count how many pieces)
skip lunch
eat a high carb dinner@8:00pm
drink 3 glasses of wine
go to bed late
wake up early feeling guilty I didn't do anything on the perfect list.
spend too much money on Amazon
Now I discover I have gone up another clothes size. Shit! (Oops I cursed) cannot do that either. Add that to the perfect list. Well, I have decided I am going to stop trying to be perfect every single day. It is exhausting in my mind to think about. If there is one thing that cancer has taught me is that I can live even in imperfect body. Treatment throws everything off in your body. To extreme fatigue from radiation to bone and muscle aches from chemo medications. I just cannot be perfect right now. It has been two years since my diagnosis, and I have strived to be perfect in an imperfect body.
Yep, I got a belly on me. Yep, I wear a size 12. Yep, I have terrible pain in my back.
Yep, my feet hurt for no reason, but this is it. I get up each day and give my best to the world that I have to offer. If that is not enough that's ok. God made me and I am here!
I wrote this back in March and since then I have changed medications to relieve the aches and pains. In April I started eating a low carb diet and lost 16 pounds. I am back to a size 8/10. I have moved to a less stressful job, and I feel so much better. Still imperfect and I still get up each day giving my best to the world!
Sometimes leadership lessons are revealed by someone else’s example.
There I was, not even 30 years old yet and it was my first day of school. Yes, it was my first day of school…..as an assistant principal. Let me tell you I thought I had arrived. After 6 years teaching in the classroom. After earning my Masters’ degree in Educational Leadership, I thought I had arrived. I had worked hard to get to that point in my career. I had exchanged my classroom for my very own office. That first day as an assistant principal I had on my best suit, my best shoes, hair done, I was ready. Little did I know that my idea of “arriving” would come to a screeching halt and I would learn a very powerful leadership lesson that day. It would be a lesson that 20+ years later I still carry with me every single day.
Judy was the principal who hired me and gave a very green, just out of the classroom teacher a chance at school administration. Judy was what we all called “old School”. She had been around a while and ran a successful elementary school for many years. She was a great mentor, friend and sometimes like a second mom to me.
So that first day of school was also the first day of school for our students. The morning went well once we ensured all the students got to their classrooms and settled in. At around 11:00 a.m. that morning Judy came to my office and said to me “Let’s go”. I responded to her by asking, “Oh, where are we going?” She said, “Lunch duty”. I was dumbfounded. In my mind I am thinking “lunch duty”. All of the assistant principals I had worked with never did lunch duty. At least as far as I knew. That had never been modeled for me. Well, I followed her to the cafeteria and entered just as 120+ Kindergarten children would be eating lunch for the first time in a large room, together. We have two words in education about those Kindergarteners during that first week of school, Herding Cats. There were 5 years olds crying, some confused and some had no idea where to go and what to do with a tray of food. So, we jumped in and began herding them to their appropriate tables. Opening milk cartons, ketchup packets, retrieving napkins and plastic ware. It wasn’t long before a shy little girl spilled her milk all over the floor. I looked over to our head custodian to get his attention. He was manning the trash cans for students to dump their trays and was surrounded by 5 Kindergartners who didn’t know what to do. Before I could do anything, Judy walked over to where he was and grabbed the mop and bucket and brought it over to the spilled milk. She wrung out the mop and began to clean the mess up. As she was mopping and without even looking at me, she says, “Never ask anyone to do something you are not willing to do yourself”. At that moment, I thought how profound and meaningful. I was immediately humbled. It didn’t matter that she was also in a nice suit and heels. It didn’t matter that she had the title of principal. She just did it because we were all there for the students. If one of them had slipped in the milk and gotten hurt we would’ve never heard the end of it. Her example that day is embedded in my mind and later when I became a principal, I tried to model that same example. Whether it was stacking chairs after a night event, directing cars at dismissal during a Florida afternoon thunderstorm or dumpster diving for a student’s retainer they threw away (this last one was my husband’s story when he was a principal) it always speaks volumes to the people who work for you. It shows them that you are willing to do whatever it takes. It shows them that they don’t work FOR you, they work WITH you.
“It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Judith (Judy) Joachim
Aleida Acosta, Storyteller
When I started my blog a few months ago my dad sent me a two-page story my grandmother, Aleida Acosta, wrote back in 1985. My grandmother was a great storyteller. My great grandmother, her mother, we affectionally called Mama Ketcha but her first name was Lucrecia. My memories of her were of a loving woman who only spoke Spanish. She would look at us great grandchildren and say Ay Calindo/Calinda which means “How Beautiful”. She was always so sweet and loving even though there was a language barrier. I really wish I could’ve captured my grandmother’s stories about her life before she died but I am grateful for this small piece. Enjoy!
September 8th, 1985
“Today I have to write about my mother’s life. As I recall, my mother telling me about her life as a little girl. It sure has been a long time. As I can remember, her grandfather and grandmother came from Spain. It seems her grandfather worked on the ships. He was the one to go to when it arrived before anyone else would be permitted. They made their life in Havana. They already had children. I believe they were four daughters and two sons. My grandmother was Margerta Fernandez. She married a Spanish gentleman named Ramon Rodriguez, but she was not too lucky. He passed away at 33 years old, so she was left alone with 3 children, my aunt, my mother and my uncle. At that time, things were very bad for a widow with 3 children so her sister which was very rich, but very stingy sent her to Tampa, Florida in 1904. My grandmother was 28 years old and my mother was 6 years old, so she was raised here in the USA. As she grew older, she had to go to work at an early age so she and her older sister could help her mother. At that time, they would only make about $6.00 a week. So, you can imagine, no time for school. Then as the years went by, they wanted a lamp so they could see the way. Whenever they would go out at night the streets were of wood. There were snakes and alligators, so they had to be very careful. Life was very bad, but they were so happy with what they had. Life was so different of now – Tampa. The only industry they had was the cigar factory. It was the only means for the Spanish speaking people to make a living. They were the ones who had the hard times, but very proud to be here in America. They call from a very early age my mother was 6 years old. My father later at age 29 they met and got married on August 31st, 1913. I was born 9 months later in 1914. My brother was born 19th. As my mother said to me…..Maas Brothers was a wood store all of Franklin Street was of wood. Ahh that time there were other transportation of a horse and buggy.”
A Champion’s Mindset
Daughtrey Pride Dance Team AAU Sport Dance Gold Medal Champions
Athletes work hard to condition their bodies to be at peak performance before a significant competition, but they would be remiss if they only conditioned their body and not their mind. Preparing the mind for ultimate physical competition and performance is equally important. I would say that preparing the mind and mindset is necessary and important in preparing for anything in life.
Setting a mindset can be done in many ways but one way I am familiar with is the practice of visualization. I have used visualization in my own game of golf. I often visualize my golf shot to help me hit the ball successfully. Recently my husband and I discussed how to hit the ball out of the sand trap. Unfortunately, my ball finds itself in the sand trap quite often and other than using my “hand wedge” to place the ball back in play I really need to learn how to effectively hit the golf ball out of the sand trap. He told me to visualize my golf ball on top of a dollar bill and to hit the ball by aiming underneath the dollar bill. Hit it but right at the beginning of the dollar bill and finish at the end of the dollar bill. As I thought about it this makes sense to me. Now I need to try it physically and see if this particular visualization will help my golf game.
I recently read an article, “How Tom Brady Is Mentally Preparing for the Super Bowl” by Jon Gugala. In the article it describes how Tom Brady, Tampa Bay Buccaneer quarterback and now seven time Super Bowl Champion not only prepares and conditions his body but he also prepares his mind. The article breaks down the 7 principles Tom Brady uses to prepare mentally for the big game. Starting Positive is the first principle. This principle involves thinking good thoughts before your check emails or browse social media. This sets the tone for the day. The second principle is “Take Mental Reps”. This involves visualizing certain situations especially physical techniques over and over. Like visualizing a certain golf swing or in Brady’s case throwing to his receivers. Next is “Give your Best”. This principle is simple because it just means being fully engaging and giving 100%. Then there is “Accept No Limits” and then “Learn from Failure”. Both self- explanatory. The last two principles are “Develop a Growth Mindset” and “Stay Determined”. It is easy to give up on your bad days, but it is in your bad days you must fight harder to keep your momentum going.
In my work with students I have used visualization as a mindset prep for a significant event. One example is when I coached the Daughtrey Pride Dance Team, an elementary school dance team that I took to the AAU Junior Olympics for several years. The night before our major dance competition I would bring my entire team into my room with everyone was in their PJs and no parents or outside distractions and I would guide them into visualizing the next day. They would close their eyes and walk through in their minds their entire dance routine. I would play the music and they would silently sit there with eyes closed and walk through the routine step by step. I wanted them to even visualize their smiles and their feelings as they were dancing. Then I would have them visualize the winning moment. The gold medal being placed around their neck. The joy, excitement, and sense of accomplishment behind winning. My thought was to calm their souls and nerves and to place them in the right frame of mind for the next day. This really helped to relieve stress and anxiety as well. We did this every year and I think this helped them have a champion’s mindset.
Another time I used visualization was when as a principal my 4th grade students would get ready every year to take the state writing test. I wanted to make sure that the kids didn't sit for the full 45 minutes of the timed test staring at a blank page. Of course, we had done months of coaching and work with students to perfect their craft of writing. The day before the big test, I would gather all of the students and we would review all of the tips and tricks of writing we had taught them and then we would take them through visualizing their writing process. We would have them see themselves opening their minds to the writing prompt and starting right away with their thoughts. I would have them do this while listening to the song “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. The song is about opening up your mind to write your story. I always felt that visualizing helped students not be stressed out over an important test. It would help them see themselves in a positive light before they even competed or wrote their piece. It helped them have a positive mindset free from fear and uncertainty. My hope was that they would take that practice of calming the soul and visualizing themselves positively would carry on with them throughout life.
If you stop and think about it, you probably visualize more than you think. Ever prepare for a job interview and visualize yourself walking in the room, shaking hands, and answering questions? Ever have a presentation at work and you walk through the entire thing while driving into work? What about visualizing your wedding, your 5K run? Mental preparation is key to be ready for anything. Give it a try!
Visualizing and Praying before competition.
"Unwritten" – Natasha Bedingfield
I am unwritten, can't read my mind
I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
I break tradition, sometimes my tries
Are outside the line
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes
But I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
CIRCLES!!
It’s been almost 3 months since the election and a change in our country’s leadership. I am going to address the elephant in the room from a different perspective. I will not use my blog to try to influence anyone’s opinion or beliefs but rather to look at our opinions and beliefs differently.
Steven Covey introduced several years ago in his book “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” the idea of your Circle of Influence and Your Circle of Concern. He illustrated this concept with a small circle within a larger circle. The smaller circle represents your Circle of Influence and the larger circle representing your Circle of Concern.
Your Circle of Influence is basically your responsibilities for your words, behavior, actions, efforts, mistakes, ideas and consequences. It’s what you can control and what you can influence. The Circle of Concern is other people’s words, behavior, actions, efforts, mistakes, ideas etc. Circle of Influence starts with MY and Circle of Concern starts with OTHER.
Over the past 3 months I think people in general have tried to merge or confuse the Circle of Influence and Circle of Concern through using hatred and comments to try to control another person’s point of view. It’s as if their negativity will actually have a bearing on your Circle of Influence. It doesn’t. It only sparks a further “digging in of your heels” which causes more disagreements and hatred. I am here to say, JUST STOP! Enough already……Everyone! It doesn’t matter what side of any issue you are on, you have no control – yes, even with your words – to change another person’s own Circle of Influence. I know what you are thinking, yes but they are wrong, they can’t just go on being wrong. I’m here to tell you it is not in your Circle of Influence to change that. What’s in your Circle of Influence is how you respond or maybe not respond. It’s surrounding yourself with like-minded people that will support and elevate you. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you can’t be around people who are not like minded like you, life doesn’t allow that, but your influence is how you react, behave and interact with people who don’t think like you – now that’s influence. Let that sink for a minute………
Have you been shocked lately by people you know who have responded to an adverse opinion with hatred or just mere cancellation of anyone or anything they don’t agree with. That is their attempt to create influence over something or someone they don’t have control over. What if the response to that is simply no response at all because you or someone else realizes it won’t change anyone or anything? What about turning that into something you can control, like your Grace!!
There is so much right now in our world that we just can’t grasp, but we can grasp what’s in reach. Our own influence.
John Maxwell is launching a new book this week titled “Change Your world”. He is starting a movement to encourage everyone to change their world. In the first chapter he illustrates numerous examples of people who have change their own worlds. These are people that looked within themselves and took their past, pains, and passions and developed their purpose. That purpose has influenced and helped others. Recently, a friend gifted me a book written by Leigh Hurst titled, “Say Something Big”. This author did a self-breast exam at the age of 33 and discovered a lump in her breast which was diagnosed as breast cancer. In her book she shares her cancer fight journey and shares stories of other women who discovered their breast cancer through a self-breast exam. She trademarked the term “Feel Your Boobies”. She used her own personal past, pain and passion to encourage women of all ages to take care of themselves by conducting regular self-breast exams. She used her own Circle of Influence, her story, to change her world. What if we all change our worlds? Can you imagine what our communities would look like? Our families? Our loves? Our country? Our world? I think the title of John Maxwell’s book says it all, “Change YOUR World”, not Change THE World”. Focus on your world around you. Use your Circle of Influence to change YOUR world. If we all do that there would be a collective impact that would change THE world.
How will you change YOUR world using YOUR circle of influence?
Next Chapter
Two days of 2021 is in the books and we are on our way to a year of hope, health, love, and success. Every year I give a lot of thought to the new year and what I want to accomplish for the year. I try to not set typical new year’s resolutions not sure why, maybe it’s because I think it’s cliché’ and often people including myself set their resolutions to high and by day 15 of the new year they fail. In fact, typically 45% of Americans set new year’s resolutions and only 8% actually stick with them and accomplish them. I researched where this idea of new year’s resolutions came from and believe it or not it goes back 4,000 years ago to the ancient Babylonians. They were the first to hold recorded new year’s celebrations. Back then they celebrated in March when the crops were planted rather than January. They made promises to their God’s to repay their debts and return objects they borrowed. These promises were considered what we now called resolutions. Then when Julius Caesar changed the calendar in 46 BC, to the new year beginning on January 1st the Romans offered sacrifices to the deity and made promises of good conduct for the coming year. Again, similar to resolutions. In 1740 clergyman John Wesly who founded the Methodist church created the Covenant Renewal Service which takes place either on New Year’s Eve or New Year’s Day. The service includes readings from Scriptures and hymn singing and serves as an alternative to raucous new year’s celebrations.
Starting a new year always brings feelings of change, hope and renewal. There is nothing wrong with setting a vision for the year ahead but once you do that, you really have to be strategic in how you want to see the vision come to fruition.
Last year I set a goal to obtain my professional human resource certification, PHR. Once I made that proclamation I set a reasonable date and registered for the test. Doing that insured that I would have to make it happen. Having an actual date set helped me to strategically plan my studying and test preparation. Last year that goal was challenged at times and I had thoughts of postponing the date. Especially when the pandemic hit and news of my cancer diagnosis. It was hard to maintain the focus some days, but I persevered and kept the date and lo and behold, I did it. That day when I walked out of the testing center with the folded print out of the results, I went in the rest room and opened it. I cried. It was such a relief and a huge sense of accomplishment for me especially since later that afternoon I was to begin my first radiation treatment. It was a poignant moment I’ll never forget.
Now here we are in 2021, two days in and I am beginning to think about what is my big goal, the big vision I wish to accomplish this year. Well shortly after I completed my radiation treatment I decided to take on what I call the next chapter of my life. With 28 years in with the school district I am in the last quarter of my education career. Now and when I can retire, I still want to accomplish great things so I decided to do something I have always dreamed of doing……becoming a professional speaker and coach. I became a John Maxwell Team Member and I am currently training to be a certified speaker, coach and trainer. In my spare time I have been learning how to speak and inspire others. I have been feeding my brain with the John Maxwell leadership philosophy and my hope is to encompass my experiences as a principal and leader to inspire others to lead with purpose and hope. The big goal is to start my own professional speaking, coaching and training business. There is so much to do to move this vision forward but I have engaged daily in an intentional planning practice to keep me focused and my eye on the ball. I have used the Franklin/Covey time management system for many, many years but for several months I have started using a system called Define My Day. It helps me to focus on three main priorities each day and create greater balance with my goals. One of the 3 priorities is called Next Chapter and that is where I ensure that each day I spend time moving my goal forward. It’s a way to be strategic on a weekly and daily basis.
As you plan for a great new year for 2021, I strongly encourage you to adopt some kind of daily planning system for yourself. Choose your big goals for the year and then break it down in step by step daily priorities. DefIne My Day is a great system. If you are interested visit www.definedlife.com or find the podcast called Defining Life with Nick Boris. Each day I reflect on how I accomplished my main priorities. There a days I don’t get there. Work can take a lot of my time and energy, so I move the priority to the next day. Each week I set up what are called milestones to accomplish for the week. It has helped me take on a large goal or vision and make I happen. If you have made resolutions, write them down and begin to strategically plan each week to accomplish that vision. You can call it a resolution, a goal or a vision. Stephen Covey referred to a vision as “Beginning with the End in Mind”. Where do you see yourself? I see myself leading, sharing my stories and inspiring others to be leaders. No matter what be that 8% that actually make it happen! You can do it!
Happy New Year!
Bella!
With the holiday season upon us, it has been a little busy and a little hard to focus on writing my blog. Fitting it in has been a challenge. But here I am today and I am moved to write. I am moved to write because I have so much in my head and on my heart. This past Saturday I found out a dear friend and colleague passed away unexpectantly. She was a few years younger than I but she and I basically grew up in our careers together in the school district where we work. Writing about her in the past tense is difficult today. She was always bubbly and often times would endearingly call me Bella. I loved when she did that. She was always very professional and was very conscientious about doing the right thing always. She was super smart and even spoke multiple languages. During the COVID crisis she led our entire district into an eLearning model in a matter of a week. She and I have laughed together and vented about our jobs together. This past summer she had a medical issue arise around the time I was being treated for my breast cancer. She and I texted back and forth and discussed our health and the stressful jobs we have. Both realizing that life is short and it is best to take care of ourselves first. She was the kind of person that while we were on a Teams meeting, she took a screenshot of my professional photo that popped and texted me “what a fabulous picture”. Her name is Shirin (Desai) Gibson. When I first met her, we both worked at Daughtrey Elementary School. Daughtrey Elementary School has molded many of my friends and colleagues to become leaders in the district. We used to say if you can make it at Daughtrey you can make it anywhere. The school has place in my heart. Its where it all started for me in so many ways. I was teaching when she was hired as a teacher aide. Same way I got my start at the same school. I knew when she and I worked together that she was something special. I knew that she was going to make a huge impact on students, teachers and our district someday. She did just that.
Many of us are heartbroken and in a state of shock. I will be starting a scholarship in her honor to help pay for a current teacher aide working in our district to be able to obtain their bachelor’s degree to become a teacher just like she did. I’ve never done anything like this before and I know it will be challenging, but I believe in it enough to make this happen.
During this crazy 2020 year everyone, hold tight to your loved ones! Never miss a moment to tell people you truly love them. Be there for them and honor them now in life.
Bella, you will be missed my beautiful friend!
R.I.P. Dr. Shirin Gibson
Express Your Gratitude in Writing
“Silent gratitude isn’t much good to anyone.” – Gladys Stern
In John Maxwell’s book, Every Communicates, Few Connect he talks about gratitude as a way to inspire and connect with people. He says that of all of the virtues, gratitude is probably the most neglected and least expressed. He tells a story about how he suffered a heart attack and how two doctors saved his life. At the 10-year anniversary of his heart attack, he wrote them both letters of gratitude and described what he had been able to experience and accomplish in the 10 years since they saved his life. How often do we sincerely thank our doctor’s and the people who have entered our lives during times of trouble? I think about my own health issues this year and how the doctor’s I have come across have given me a lease on life. Sometimes we can never repay people for what they have done for us but expressing our gratitude into written word is something that can be cherished and remembered forever. Recently I read on Facebook where a young college student was not able to spend Thanksgiving with her family, so she sent an email requesting a recipe for her favorite holiday dish from her aunt and uncle. She wanted to cook it for her roommates with whom she would spending Thanksgiving. When they sent it back to her, she wrote back to them her overwhelming feelings of gratitude for them being part of their life. They were so touched by her words of gratitude that they posted it on Facebook for all to read.
In my work life I have worked hard to show my gratitude for the people I work with. In one full desk drawer at work, I have it filled with blank cards. Some with my name on them, some blank and some that simply say thank you. I started doing this when I worked for a principal who carried blank cards around in his planner to write notes of gratitude. As an assistant principal I had started little gratitude projects like “Drop in the Bucket” where the entire staff had little beach buckets in their work space and one could “drop” the person a note of gratitude in their bucket. The notes were even shaped like drops of water. It helped build morale amongst the staff members and build a culture of gratitude. Once I became a principal, I started giving out giraffe lapel pins as a symbol of my gratitude to others who had gone above and beyond. I would accompany each lapel pin with a note of gratitude. I then turned it into where staff could write the notes and deliver the pins themselves to their colleagues. As I would visit classrooms it would surprise me to find these notes displayed in people’s workspaces. It warmed my heart to think that they really cherished those words of gratitude.
I have kept letters and notes from people who have written their words of gratitude to me over the years. The best ones come from students. Kids that would write to me how much they appreciated my creativity and fun in the classroom. My hope is that since they wrote it they will remember those moments in my classroom forever. When we get so busy with life and time passes by too quickly, we forget who we are or who we were. Revisiting those words of gratitude help to remember.
Once I left the school building to become a director in our downtown offices for the school district, I applied the same concept to my staff members and realized they too honored and cherished my notes of gratitude. I have always felt that it was much more impactful to leave handwritten notes of gratitude to people I care about to let them know how much I really care. I can say the words but those can be forgotten, writing the words allow a person to keep it forever and revisit the words when they need it. During the pandemic lock down I wasn’t able to see my staff except for Teams Meetings online. I missed being close to them physically, so I sent each one a letter to their home address with words of gratitude, encouragement and feelings of how much I missed them.
While writing this I realized that although I have worked hard to do this for the people I work with I haven’t been good at doing this for my friends and family. During this season of Thanksgiving and gift giving, I am going to challenge myself to write letters or notes to give as gifts of gratitude. I challenge you to write a note or letter of thanksgiving and gratefulness to someone you value in your life. Choose one person in your family and one in your work life. It doesn’t have to be long. It can be 3 to 5 sentences. I prefer to handwrite the note and mail it. Who doesn’t love a letter in the mail? An email may get lost with all of the junk mail but a true handwritten letter says that you took the time to craft the words and place it in the mailbox. especially for them. The paper doesn’t have to be fancy or formal. My grandmother would send me letters in the mail all the time. Most of the time it was scratch pieces of paper she found at work. But the words on those pieces of paper were full of love and encouragement. If gratitude is hard to write for you, just writing words that you are thinking of them and love them is enough to warm someone’s heart. If there is anything 2020 has taught us it to be grateful for those people in our lives who have made a difference or make a difference day in and day out.
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust
Music for the Heart and Soul
I heard one sine from above
I heard one sine from above
Then the signal split in two
The sound created stars like me and you
Before there was love, there was silence
I heard one sine
And it healed my heart, heard a sine
- Lady Gaga and Elton John
My entire life songs have entered my life and punctuated poignant moments. I can hear certain songs and it can immediately draw memories for me. Songs have led me and shaped me through tough times and healed my heart. Through the years the ways I have heard these songs has evolved tremendously. New advancements have made access and immediacy to obtaining your favorite music just a quick click of a button. It is pretty amazing to see how far we’ve come with our own personal listening habits.
As far back as I can remember I have loved music and songs. I’ve loved dancing and singing to music. Playing it loud and sometimes over and over. I am of the generation that bought records and albums at the music store in the mall and you had to exercise lots of patience to hear your favorite song on the radio or be able to add the song as part of your collection. Sometimes my mom would buy a 45 record for me if she knew I liked a particular song. Once she bought me the 45 of “Afternoon Delight” by Starland Vocal Band. I loved that song as a kid and today when I listen to it, I still can sing every single word. I laugh now, because when I was a kid, I really had no idea the meaning of that song, but I completely get it now. I used to save my own money from chores to my buy own records. I remember buying Michael Jackson’s “I Wanna Rock with You” because I saw him on TV performing it. I couldn’t wait to get it home to listen and dance to. Both of those songs remind me of a time in my life that was innocent and fun. I would bring these songs home to play it on my hand me down record player that could be folded up like suitcase that used to belong to my mom when she was younger. A record was called a 45 because of the speed the record was played on the record player. When you played 45 records you had to have these plastic inserts so it would fit on the record player. Sometimes you had to place a nickel on the arm of the record player so it wouldn’t skip due to scratches on the vinyl. You had to treat your vinyl records very carefully. I had a small collection full length albums or LPs (long playing). I loved being able to save my money to buy an album. I would bring it home and unwrap the album from its cellophane. I would put the record on my record player and play the album from cover to cover. They called the side of the album with all of the radio hits the A side and the B side had the less popular songs or songs that were more obscure. I would often lay down in front of my stereo for hours and look at the record sleeve and read the lyrics as the song played. I would sing and dance along. I memorized songs from reading the lyrics as I listened. That’s how I knew what song came next. I didn’t get up and move the needle I just let it play. It’s funny now I hear songs and fully expect the next song on the album to come on. My all time favorite LP was Journey’s “Escape”. This album marked my entry into my teen years. I can see the faces of my friends and the moments we shared as we were in love with the songs. That record got so much play over and over. My brother was a KISS fan so for many years I would hear the “Love Gun” album over and over again coming from his room! My parents had a few albums they passed on to me or that I would listen to that bring back a lot of memories: The Mamas and the Pappas self-titled album from 1966, Elvis Presley’s album where is wore a gold suit on the cover, Billy Joel ‘s “52nd Street and The Beatles’ “Revolver” album. Songs from those albums strike up many memories from my childhood.
One Christmas my music listening evolved to a little Panasonic tape recorder (see pic). That thing went everywhere my roller skates did. I made up many dance and skate routines to that tape recorder. Having a cassette tape recorder brought a whole new world of music listening. I would often listen to American’s Top 40 on the radio and then wait for my favorite song to come on so I could tape it. I would place the cassette recorder next to the radio and record songs. Back then we called those “mixed tapes” because you would be able to make a tape of songs you liked from different artists. Recording songs from the radio was a challenge though. I had to watch for my brother barging into the room or hated it when the DJ talked over the beginning and ending of a song.
My music was portable and got me out of the house. I still played my albums from time to time from beginning to end while lying in front of my record player but soon my music listening evolved once again. I got a Walkman. My music became not only portable but private. Having music that was private allowed me to blare it as loud as I wanted and play songs over and over without anyone complaining.
The next phase of my evolving music listening was when I started to drive. Now my music was in the car, both portable and private. My first car a Volkswagen bug had a radio and cassette player in it. Soon my car was filled with cassette and mixed tapes. The first time I had full freedom to drive where I wanted the song that came on the radio was “Everyone Wants to Rule the World by Tears for Fears. Every time I hear that song, I remember that feeling of that day of complete freedom and independence. My friends and I played Madonna’s first album over and over and sang at the top of our lungs in that little VW bug. Those memories remind me of a time of newfound independence as I began my turn into a more adult life.
I evolved with music listening devices and had gotten a new stereo on my birthday that allowed me to record from an album directly to a cassette and record cassette to cassette. Buying music at the store became inconvenient and sometimes if it was a hot album the store would sell out and you had to wait. I remember in high school on my 16th birthday buying Prince’s Purple Rain album at the grocery store. Yes, even grocery stores sold records at one time. Back then LPs usually came out first then the cassette. So, if you bought the album you would record it on a blank cassette tape. Patience was still needed. Then came along the Columbia Music Club. This was right around the time when CD’s (compact disc) were popular. You could open an account and select 10 CDs and only pay for one, but once a month they would send you a random CD that you may or may not have liked. It did kind of force you to listen to albums you may not have normally been attracted to before. Belonging to the Columbia House Music Club exponentially added to your collection of music without having to go to the record store but you still had to wait once a month
The evolution to digital music –Apple’s iTunes significantly changed the music listening world. iTunes completely removed the patience you needed to hear and enjoy music. When it first came out you could download music onto your computer and then put it on your iPod. You can create a playlist like a mixed tape with different music for your moods. Some of my playlists are based on a mood or feeling like beach music, Friday night music or simply just Christmas music. You didn’t have to buy the whole album if you didn’t’ want to. Now iPods are pretty much extinct and all of your music is on your smartphone. Even better, I can plug in my phone in the car and have my full music collection at my fingertips and even better I can download a song using cell service and get my music instantaneously. I have to say I had been missing those days of sitting in front of my record player getting to know an album and an artist. Recently I have been just purchasing full albums online and fully engaging in the whole album. I don’t have a stereo to sit in front of anymore and my music is mostly enjoyed in my daily commute to work but I have come full circle with my listening and have come back to enjoying a full album beginning to end. I love when an album tells a story. The difference is I can download a whole new album in a matter of minutes. I can see the lyrics on my phone and even further I can now google ‘the album and artist and read about the story of the album. My latest album is Lady GaGa’s , “Chromatica.” I’ve listened to it so much I can’t get the music out of my head. I love how she has added these huge orchestra pieces in 3 different interludes placed at the beginning middle and end of the album. It tells a story even if it is all dance music. I have also revisited albums or artists by purchasing “Best Ofs”. My music appreciation is far and wide. I still get excited to hear “Rodeo” from Oklahoma and “Work It” by Missy Elliott. From Flo Rida’s “Get Low” to Manheim Steamroller’s “Silent Night”.
Music and songs have played a huge part of my life and been there to heal my soul. Sometimes I revisit those songs again when I need them, and they help me transition or just clarify what’s important in life. Two songs come to mind, “This Road” by Ginny Owens and “Sometimes in Snows in April” by Prince. “This Road” is about someone asking God why have you chosen this road for me and putting your faith in God. “Sometimes it Snows in April” is about how life just turns upside down like snowing in April. I found myself lost in that song on a long walk after I found out I had cancer. Music has evolved for me in so many ways and it just keeps getting better. Maybe it’s because I appreciate where it was to where it is now, I don’t know. But in these crazy times, in our world, escaping to music is great therapy and brings much joy.
Now back to listening and feeding my soul!
9 Gifts from God!
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control”. – Galatians 22-23
One would never think that in the face of illness, the unknown, or adversity, God would bear his fruit on you. With so much going on in my life during my breast cancer fight and so much going on in the world, God did just that for me and for that I am forever grateful.
Treatment for cancer varies from person to person depending on the severity of it. From my story last week, I shared how I found the lump in my breast. From the time of my last mammogram to the time I found the lump was just shy of two months. The tumor had grown fast, but I caught it early. I was able to seek treatment early before the tumor took over. As they say, a stitch in time says 9. I believe the early catch had a huge impact on my treatment plan.
I think the hardest time of waiting during all of this was finding out the grade of my cancer. The grade would determine my path for treatment. My biggest fear with my breast cancer was having to endure chemotherapy. I had seen the havoc chemo has on the body from people I knew who have had to endure it. I just kept thinking to myself, I don’t have time for this. I am too busy and have too much going on to be slowed down by chemo. God gave me the gift of faithfulness during this time. Often waiting for an answer to a big event in your life requires lots of patience. With patience comes the faithfulness that you need to believe that no matter the outcome, you will endure.
Once the tumor was removed the oncologist sent it for gene testing. In my mind it was quite simple, chemo or not. That’s all I needed to know. Chemo may eradicate cancer, but it wreaks havoc on the body. I’m a wuss and I knew if I was to have chemo, I wouldn’t do well. When they test the tumor, they are looking for the genetic make up to determine a grade on whether or not the cancer would return or spread in other areas of your body. The grade ranks from 1 to 50, with 1 through 25 meaning no chemo and 26 to 50 needing chemo. Chemotherapy treats the whole body for cancer, radiation treats only the area where the cancer appears. The day of my Teledoc appointment I raced home to receive the news in private with my husband, Randy. When the phone rang, we were ready for whatever news the oncologist had to deliver. Faithfulness. I had turned it over to God. I knew that I would deal with whatever I needed to fight this. I placed the doctor on speaker phone and when he shared the news that my cancer was a rating of a 9, No chemo, the amount of relief was overwhelming. I knew I still had to undergo radiation, but chemo was not needed. When I hung up the phone both of us were overwhelmed with peace and joy. We were on cloud 9.
The number 9 took on a whole new significance for us. Not only does it represent the 9 gifts from God, but it also had real world meaning for us. First of all, number 9 is Randy’s favorite number. It was his soccer jersey number in college. We both were born in September the 9th month of the year. He played an R9 driver in golf for a long time. Our favorite red wine is called 9 Lives and now 9 meant I would not have to battle all the side effects of chemo. We rejoiced in God’s love , goodness and the significance of the number 9.
Radiation was to be set for thirty consecutive days except for weekends. I was more worried about the inconvenience than anything. Little did I know that half-way through radiation the wind in my sails would fly away. I became so fatigued there were days I didn’t know how in the world I would be able to keep going. When the worst fatigue hit is when I played golf on a Sunday with my husband and friend. I barely made it through 9 holes. That evening I could not function. It’s a fatigue that you can’t really explain. Rest doesn’t help. Eating doesn’t help. All I could do is push through. My skin on my breast began to burn and turn dark and visiting the machine each day was exhausting. The nurses and techs were amazing though. They engaged me each day with a topic other than treatment or cancer. It took my mind off of the process. They showed me kindness and gentleness each and every day. Each day I would attend my treatment I would lie under the machine and wait for the seven to 9 passes of the laser over me. Most days I would just close my eyes and fall asleep. I was so tired it was a relief to just stop time and breath. When the nurses would come in to tell me I was all done, it was all I could do to get up, get dressed and drive home. It was a time in my life I won’t forget. I counted down the days. Two days before I was to complete my treatments, the machine broke down. I was heartbroken. I was so close to being done and now I had to wait another day. So close but yet it felt so far. July 29th was my last day of treatment. I ready to get my energy back. I wanted to not have to have my standing 3:30 appointment every day. The amount of self-control to stay committed to this daily treatment was on some days a challenge. Going from being busy at work, then driving to the treatment to being perfectly still under the machine took even greater self-control.
Now I am on the way to recovery. Radiation is complete, the whole 9 yards of it. I have my energy back and I am now working on getting myself healthy. I slowly felt my energy return and my skin healed. I have begun breast cancer fighting medication (Tamoxifen) which is basically hormone blockers. I will have to take the medication for the next five years and with it comes its own set of side effects but I am so grateful that the hardest part is over. There are times I worry that the cancer will come back or show up in my other breast. Right now, I am focusing on my health in all areas. From emotional health to mental health to physical health. I have to guard myself against stress since that IS a contributing factor to cancer. Dealing with stress takes forbearance by not letting life overwhelm me. The mind can play tricks on you sometimes. When things start to build up, for me it is usually at work, I have to learn to take a deep breath and restrain from letting that wave of overwhelmingness wash over me.
The number 9 is now my favorite number as it represents so much to me. The number 9 has shown up many times lately and whenever I hear it or see it, I smile to myself. I will never forget the 9 gifts from God of love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. I will continue to use those gifts to add value to others each and every day!
I AM 99.9% back!!
PINK IS a Strong Color!
This week I heard someone refer to the color pink as “not a very strong color”. It came from a man but I have also heard women say, “I don’t wear pink, its too girlie for me”. Wait, what? Call it what you want but to me pink symbolizes strength and resilience now more than ever before! This is now very personal for me. I have always loved the color pink but as you may know pink is also the color for Breast Cancer Awareness. This year during Breast Cancer Awareness month I share my story in hopes of encouraging any woman who reads this to take care of themselves. An early catch is key!
On March 18th, 2020, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Wow, still seems weird to see it and say it. Denial is still a thing. No, not me, this happens to other women, but not me. Even after surgery and treatment, it still feels surreal.
First and foremost, do not rely on a mammogram alone. Yes, get your mammogram every year, but don’t ignore doing a breast self-exam. I can’t express enough how important it is to do a self-breast exam at least once a month. The mere fact that I myself found my lump in my breast is a testimony in itself. Feel your boobs!! You don’t even have to follow the textbook breast exam, just feel them. I had my annual mammogram on December 24th, 2019, and to be honest, I had had them every year since I turned 40, 11 of them to be exact. Trust me, it never ranked it real high on my to do list. I mean after all, the mammogram is NOT the most pleasant experience to say the least. Sometime in February, 2 months later after the mammogram and after I was told all was normal, I was getting in the shower and that’s when a felt it. There was a hard knot in the lower part of my right breast. At first I thought hmmmm that’s weird. I would describe its size between a pea and a marble. I made a mental note of it because I have had small watery filled cysts in my breasts before that are typically considered normal in dense breast tissue. So I checked it the next day, still there. A week later, still there. Two weeks go by, still there. It didn’t move and it was hard. It didn’t feel like the small watery cysts I had had before. I started to get worried. I finally told my husband about it after two weeks of feeling this in my breast everyday. He immediately told me that I needed to go to the doctor. I figured, why not it’s probably nothing. I mean at the time I was 51, it could just be that my body is changing. So I went. When the doctor was examining me, I watched his face intently. I was looking for any sign from him that this was nothing. I wanted to be able to see what he was thinking. Well I could tell the doctor felt it too and he immediately ordered another mammogram and an ultrasound. I have had an ultrasound on my breast before but again it turned out to be a watery cyst that went away. At this point I am still thinking, all this for nothing, watch you’ll see. During the ultrasound I lay there and watched the monitor and there it was, a dark spot. The radiologist pressed hard on it and for the first time it actually hurt. The next day I got a call from the doctor. He told me to come into the office after 10:00 and don’t worry about an appointment. That right there had me scared. I mean what doctor doesn’t care about an appointment? Typically you have to make appointments months in advance. My heart sank. The doctor informed me I needed a biopsy. He knew something was not right and reality was setting in for me but I’m an optimist. Hey, this could still be nothing.
Now this was all happening around the time that the world was beginning to realize that this Coronavirus from China was beginning to infiltrate the U.S. We had had a Spring Break trip planned to St. Maarten and we weren’t sure if we were going to be able to go. I scheduled my biopsy the day before we were to leave for St. Maarten. Not a really great idea but I wanted to have it done as soon as possible and not prolong knowing the results. I mean after all 2 months earlier this lump was not there and had not been detected in my mammogram. Whatever it was, it had grown pretty quickly.
During the biopsy of course I was numb but to watch the doctor struggle to insert this huge needle into my dense breast tissue was very unsettling. She had to push really hard. Once she got the biopsy needle in I could see everything on the ultrasound screen. I finally had to just turn away. It was too much for me to see this procedure happening and not feel it. Afterwards I sat in my car and cried. I think deep down I knew this was not going to be good news.
We were able to go to St. Maarten anyway and luckily we met a doctor and his wife who became our friends. Both offered knowledge, understanding and support at a time of so much uncertainty for us. We ended up having to cut our vacation short as the Coronavirus began to wreck havoc on the world. Two days later after returning home is when the doctor called to tell me I had cancer. We would have been in St. Maarten when I got the news, but I was home which in hindsight was probably best. I would have hated to have been on vacation and learn that I had breast cancer. Home is where I needed to be. We were in shock. I was in shock. Me, Wendy, breast cancer? This isn’t “nothing” this time.
My fight was to begin on April 9th, 2020. A lumpectomy. Surgery day was so surreal. My husband was not allowed to accompany me during pre-op and post-op due to the Coronavirus. He basically dropped me off at the front door like he was dropping off a child at school. Scariest time in my life and I had to go it alone. Thank goodness for technology as the nurses allowed me to text while I waited for surgery. Many messages of support and prayers got me through. My treatment plan would be discussed after my surgery and it was still unknown if I would need radiation and chemotherapy. First was to get the damn thing out of me. The tumor would require testing to determine the treatment plan. One-step-at-a-time. The world was falling a part and my world was falling a part. You never have all of the answers up front. Life never works that way. I had to take each piece of news and each test result as it came. I had to trust God that he would allow the doctors to treat me the right way. Putting my life in God’s hands was the only thing I could do. This was beyond my control. It was in God’s control.
Here we are in October almost 8 months since my diagnosis. The fight is not over yet. I had a lumpectomy and 30 straight days of radiation treatment. My cancer was Stage 1 so chemotherapy was not needed, thank the Lord. Now I have to take hormone blockers for the next 5 years of my life. I may feel great, look great but with 5 years of breast cancer fighting medication, each mammogram and self-breast exam take on a whole new meaning for me.
PINK, has a whole new meaning to me.
There are various shades of pink I have found as I have tried to match the pinks in my wardrobe this Breast Cancer Awareness season. I see that each shade of pink represents the many different women who have gone through a breast cancer fight. During my fight, so many friends and women I know came forward to tell me about their journey through breast cancer. Each had a different story but each of us is now bonded together by our fight. I had always supported breast cancer awareness month because of friends and people I knew who had had it but this year there is a whole new significance for me. I also did a thing this month. I got a tattoo to signify my fight and my triumph. I have always said I wanted a Wonder Woman symbol tattoo but never got it because I couldn’t figure out where I wanted it and at the time it was just a commercialized symbol with no real connection to me. It was just kind of cool. Well prior to surgery I told my husband I am getting that Wonder Woman tattoo you know. Of course he reminded me, one step at a time. It’s meaning to me now is strength and resilience. I did some research and little did I know there were Wonder Woman symbols out there with the pink breast cancer awareness ribbon embedded. I was sold. Once I was healed enough, I did it. (See picture) It is a symbol of a strength and resilience I didn’t know I had in me. A constant reminder.
I just want to say, if you haven’t had your mammogram in over a year, schedule it NOW! If you have, plan on doing a self-breast exam at least once a month. Heck, do it every time you get in the shower for that matter. Know your body. If you ever find yourself in a situation where you are beginning down the path of extra tests, ultrasounds, biopsy etc. Know that you have to take each step as it comes. The fight is a process. Answers won’t all happen at once. Trust God. Celebrate the small victories and charge ahead for the battles and darn it, wear PINK!
This blog is dedicated to all the women I know who shared their story with me, especially to my friend Ann. Knowing her story pushed me to not ignore my lump and to seek out my doctor.
Time to Stretch
My daily commute to work is roughly 20 to 30 minutes each day and typically I listen to one of the major news networks on my satellite radio or shuffle through my playlist until I find a song I am in the mood for. Lately though, I have been needing more to fill my mind in my daily commute, so I started downloading Podcasts on my phone. Wow, what a refreshing alternative to the radio or playlists. If you haven’t done this, I highly recommend it. There is so much information is out there to peak anyone’s interest. Now, I feel like I get a morning dose of inspiration that sets the mood for my workday and my return home. One of the podcasts that I have subscribed to is the John Maxwell Leadership Podcasts. I have read a few of John Maxwell’s books a few years ago and thought maybe it was time to revisit some of his teachings. Lately, I have been needing to have my brain fed with something positive. I’ve been needing to feed my soul. I have been hungry for inspiration and growth. I think I have found it.
One of the first podcasts I listened to was called Five Stretches to Help you Grow – The Law of the Rubber band. If you don’t know anything about John Maxwell’s teachings, he bases is leadership teachings on Laws of Leadership. The Law of the Rubber band basically means: Growth stops when you lose the tension where you are and where you can be. This law spoke to me immediately. In the 4+ years I ‘ve been in the position I am in now, Director of Human Resources, I have been stagnant. Just reporting to work every day putting out fires on most days and feeling like the grind was starting to set in. Now that I am beginning to feed that person inside me who hasn’t been “stretched” in a long time I am beginning to see my work differently and my future differently.
Using the rubber band as metaphor for our lives or our life’s work we often let our rubber band lose tension. Things get routine, we get comfortable. It’s easy to get there and it’s even easier to stay there. It feels good. It’s like a worn pair of shoes that fit your feet perfectly, their comfortable and easy to put on each time. Problem is they are worn and tattered and don’t look that great on the outside, but they sure feel good when you slip your feet in them. You may not even notice the shoes at all because they are just there, part of your routine, your comfort zone. Stretching yourself moves you from comfort to tension. Stretching yourself moves you from the well-known to the unknown. It’s not comfortable at first, it feels strange like buying a new pair of shoes. Stiff and awkward.
As I was listening to the stretching podcast, I just so happen to be driving my husbands’ truck. I call it the beast because it is huge. I normally drive a small SUV and whip in and out of parking spaces like no bodies business. That morning driving his truck slowed me way down. I wasn’t used to it. I had to adjust everything, the mirrors, the steering wheel, the radio, the seat, the air conditioning etc. I was also extra cautious because the darn thing is so big, I was afraid I was going to hit someone else’s car and not even notice. I started to laugh to myself as I realized I am really not in my comfort zone in this truck. I am stretching to a whole new way of driving. The way I think about driving is different now. The way I park the truck is different. I am learning and growing into the unknown.
Maxwell says there are 5 different ways we stretch ourselves.
The Growth Stretch - Growing is also finding a better way or improving. I think of this one like the old shoe analogy. Buying a new pair of shoes that have better support and look better improve how your feet feel.
The Creative Stretch - Ever try your hand at a new hobby like dance lessons or writing. When I was young, we had a guitar in the house. I played around with it, so my parents enrolled me in guitar classes. That was a stretch creatively for me. I took two lessons and realized it wasn’t for me, but I did give it a try. I would have never known whether I enjoyed playing the guitar or not if I hadn’t stepped out of my comfort zone.
The Intentional Stretch - I think about the term auto pilot. Ever show up for work and don’t remember the drive there? What if you intentionally went a different way to work one day because you had to make stop or run an errand. Ever discover something new on your different route to work? You would have never known about that something different if you hadn’t taken that intentional different route. That something different could positively impact your life in some way. Living intentionally is the bridge between intentions and actions.
The Thinking Stretch - “Capacity is a state of mind. How much we can do depends on how much we think we can do. When you really believe that you can do more, your mind thinks creatively and shows you the way”. – David J. Schwartz
This past year I set a goal for myself to earn my Professional Human Resource (PHR) Certification. As the director of HR, I figured I probably should have that accomplishment as a benchmark to my profession. I shared my goal with my staff and when I accomplished it and shared my excitement, I think it sparked something in them as well. The month of September is the month my staff has to set goals on their performance evaluations. Typically, setting professional goals is a challenge for some of my staff. The day to day business of Human Resources can be very routine and automatic but I know there are ways we can better, we can grow as a department. I told them that I wanted them to focus on increasing their professionalism and creating a world class customer service experience for our employees and potential employees. Little did I know that some of them fretted over the “increase your professionalism” expectation I had set. I had just listened to the 5 Stretch podcast, so I decided to further define what I meant my increasing their professionalism. I defined it as stretching themselves. I shared the 5 stretches and asked them to think how to move out of their comfort zone. This week I met with each person to discuss their goals and I tell you I had goosebumps after each meeting. Their goals were well thought out and focused. I could tell they were really stretching themselves. Several told me they lost sleep trying to think about how to stretch. One person said she had a dream about it. One woke up at 4:00 a.m. that day to write down her goals. I was so inspired to hear each and everyone of my staff members really, intentionally stretching themselves to make this department and our school district a much better place to work. I think sharing my own success and sharing the idea of the Law of the Rubber Band, really made an impact. I will be taking each of their goals and placing them on nice parchment paper to give it the feel of importance and honor. I’ll roll it up and guess what I am going to put around it to hold it together? You guessed it, a rubber band! I want to thank them for stretching with their goals. They can wear the rubber band on their wrist if they want as a reminder to continue stretch.
How will you stretch yourself? New shoes, a new creative hobby, a new thought, a new idea, or a new action?
It’s time to stretch!!
Everyone has a story to tell!
The Blue Suitcase!
Today I am launching this blog website to begin a creative journey. A journey that has been going on since September 25th, 1968. Yes, that’s right 52 years, hence the title of my blog Chapter 52, This first blog is an introduction to what I used to call Unpacking My Life as a Writer when I was an elementary school principal. As a principal I worked in low income schools my whole career and getting children to write was difficult. Often times they would sit staring at a blank page not knowing how to express themselves let alone believe they had a story to actually tell. The teachers who taught these students often would get discouraged because they felt that their students had no background to be able to pull a story out of themselves and onto paper. I wanted to share my experiences as a writer with the students so they could see that we are all writers and story tellers. Everyone has a story to tell! We just needed to find a way to release their inner voice and get it on paper. It was then that I decided that I would share a part of me, in hopes of inspiring the students.
I’m not sure where the idea came from about Unpacking My Life as a Writer but I bought a cheap little suitcase and began to gather every piece of writing I could find from my childhood to current times and filled the suitcase. Thanks to my parents for keeping some of my writing treasures I was able to unpack my writing starting at the age of 5. I loved making books when I was young. My first books were pieces of paper stapled together with random drawings and the beginnings of writing with strings of letters that I probably thought at the time meant something. I moved to more sophisticated books and stories of which my dad actually took the time to sketch some illustrations for me. Those books were the highlight of my unpacking presentation. I shared my high school writings from when I was on the high school newspaper team and then college when I wrote for a small college campus magazine. I showed them the speeches I wrote when I was a Toastmaster and my journals that I kept. I also shared letters from my grandmother to show them how I cherished them long after she was gone. I would do this every year and visit all of my classrooms in the school. I wanted to do it to set the stage for them. I wanted them to be inspired to write. Children need to start learning how to write by discovering the voice from within. From there the more technical prose can be taught. Starting with themselves opened up a world of possibilities. We taught them how to take small microcosms of their lives and turn them into these beautiful, flavorful masterpieces.
After I would do these presentations my office would then become flooded with little hand made books with illustrations or writing pieces that had been perfected and cherished by the young writer. Students would finalize their writing pieces with their very best handwriting as if they were wrapping their story as a gift with a bow on top. Students would come by my office to read me what they had written and t truly became an inspiration back to me.
Flash forward to Chapter 52 and I’ve moved on from an elementary school principal and now direct the Human Resources department for the school district I have served for 28 years. The job has had its ups and downs but I realized something was missing. So I found my suitcase again and unpacked for me. I needed to be able to find my own voice again. Now I want to spread the love of writing and storytelling beyond the classrooms I visited. This is just the first of many stories I will share on my blog. Chapter 52 is just the beginning!
The Blue Suitcase - Unpacking My Life as a Writer!
Emotional Leadership
Emotional Leadership
"Feelings, nothing more than feelings."-song lyric by Morris Albert
Feeling/Emotion/Attitude all play a huge factor in a culture in an organization. As human beings we feed off one another's energy and energy is fueled by emotion and attitude. One person, yes one person can affect an entire department or organization and sadly it starts from the top. The energy and emotion a leader exude sets it all for everyone else. But as a leader, we can't always be happy and chipper every single day. After all, uh,…. we're human beings too. As leaders we are expected to be this perfect positive, all knowing, happy go lucky, let's go get‘em person. But like everyone else we have days where we are not at our best. Days where we wear our hearts on our sleeve per se or when small things trigger big reactions. As leaders we have to learn to manage the stressors in life to put our best foot forward. It’s a challenge some days.
Several years ago, I had the opportunity to open a brand-new school. It was supposed to be a career high for me, but shortly after being named as the principal, my personal life unraveled. I got separated and divorced after 13 years of marriage, moved out on my own, and established a whole new life and personal relationship in that year. I had a lot of days when my best self was not present. To add to that, the opening of this school was in the heart of a very difficult area with 100% disadvantaged students. It was a lot for me both personally and professionally and at times the two worlds collided, and my emotions were all over the place. That year proved to be a year of huge growth for me both personally and professionally but it didn't come without consequences. I was demoted to an assistant principal the following year. (that story will come in a later blog). That year of turmoil I learned a huge lesson, my emotional state attitude affected the culture of my employees and my school. My responses, my reactions created an organization that mirrored my struggles.
So how does a leader avoid these kinds of turmoils. Here are ideas to set in place to help you navigate your attitude to show up ready to present your best self to your organization even when you are facing personal struggles.
1.) Recognize your trigger.
Often times our emotional reactions are triggered by something. Could be something or something someone says to us. Could be the l00+ emails in your inbox from overnight or a day away from the office. Could be that employee that can be super needy when you don't have the time or patience for them. Identify those triggers. Speak them out loud to yourself, write them down. Then tell yourself. "I am not going to let that set me off today”.
2. ) Identify a confidant.
Find someone who will listen to you vent without judgement. Someone you can say anything to. Someone you can talk to or call on your way in or on your way home from work. Someone who has your back and has absolutely no connection to your workplace. You have to be able to trust this person 110%. For me, it’s my husband. It could be a family member, mentor, leadership coach, best friend. You know who they are in your life. Talking about things can help you hear yourself and process through your thoughts and feelings.
3.) Write it out.
I'm a huge fan of journaling. I journal every morning 3 to 5 sentences. Just to get my thoughts out of my brain. I call it brain dumping. When I'm feeling crappy, I write about that. If I'm feeling excited and hopeful I write about that too. It's a way to not keep those thoughts and feelings bottled up.
4.) Pause/ sleep on it.
Whenever something is troubling me at the end of a long day or a big decision is looming, rather than acting on it right away, I sleep on it. Unless its an urgent matter, you can always take your time to think it through. There is no rule that you have to have a solution or answer right away. Pause and be intentional. If you wake up feeling the same way about something, then you know you were on target. If you wake up with a totally different outlook, that is also a good thing. This means you were reacting on emotion the night before.
5.) Breath.
In my role as a principal and now as director of HR, my day, moment to moment can change in seconds. It could go from a very difficult emotional conversation with an employee or parent to a positive interaction celebrating a student's accomplishment or a strategic meeting about a new project. I had a leadership coach teach me how to take a few seconds to consciously breath and re-center myself and my emotions before moving to the next interaction. There are times I just finish something difficult or feeling emotional about something and the phone in my office rings. I won 't answer it if I'm not ready. That’s what voicemail is for. I even have a sticky note on my phone that says Breath! A signal to re-center before answering the phone.
6.) Drive.
While I am at work I sometimes get in a funk that I can’t shake. I need to move past it. I have gotten in my car and just drove around. Blared some music as loud as I could get it. Maybe stopped for a soda or grabbed lunch. A change in scenery is also a great way to shake those negative feelings.
These 6 things are not a perfect complete list, but they are things I have utilized in the past and still do today. Don 't get me wrong; I still have moments where I haven't reacted the way I should, but it’s important first and foremost to be conscious that you are not at your best, apologize, learn from it, re-center yourself, and move on.
“People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude”. – John C. Maxwell